What NOT to Do

Figurative language is a vital writing tool. Comparison, analogy, personification, and metaphor are all important aspects of creative writing.

But sometimes we can get carried away! Below are some examples of what NOT to do as you polish your writing. Don't use any of these if you expect your writing to be taken seriously.

• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

• McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Heft bag filled with vegetable soup.

• Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eeirie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00pm instead of 7:30.
  
• Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

• Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:rnl.flw:a>stpncant but gets instead T:rnl.flw:a>stpncanti by mistake.

• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

• He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

• The hailstones leaped from the pavement just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

I'll post more of these gems later.